Listening to: The MMORPG Addict's Anthem
Topic: Mental health, family (negative), art
This week has been really rough. I've been going through yet more difficult mental health stuff, unfortunately. I've been so tired I actually slept almost 12 hours one night and have needed naps here and there. The extra rest helped a lot.
I was supposed to study this summer for a class I got a special exception to take. Yet, by the time summer came I was so burnt out. Then my mom had post op complications and then my mental health spiraled (unrelated to the post op stuff). I haven't studied at all and I think I need to drop it so I don't risk my grades next semester. I don't have much time before classes begin again so I don't think I can study properly in the time I have. I'm not disappointed in myself because I think I've been trying my best. I always try my best. But I do feel disappointed about the situation in general.
Really, I just feel down and wrung out. My mom is very stigmatizing about mental health. She sees mental health more as a willpower issue than anything else. To her, I've been in therapy for four years, so shouldn't I be fine? But the reality is, for a person of my conditions, that therapy can be a decades long thing. Furthermore, my situation is less my brain and more my family. This is a perfect example of that. It was necessary to talk with her but now dealing with the stigma and comments about my mental health is an extra stressor.
In slightly more upbeat news, I've been considering designing some shirts for myself. I make it no secret that I like menhera art and fashion. There's a lot of cool brands and individual artists out there, but I like the idea of creating something for myself. My tastes and aesthetics when it comes to illustrations are kind of particular and, considering menhera includes a focus on vent art and healthy expression through art, I think it'd be worth making something for myself. I'm not going to rush it or anything, but I do think I want to get working on that.
Aside from the direct mental health elements, another appealing thing about menhera fashion to me is the accessibility. The style is quite variable but so many outfits are really simple, stuff like long t-shirts and other comfortable and loose items. It'd be nice to have some items that are stylish and reflective of myself but still comfortable. I actually prefer not to wear pajamas on bad days because it makes me feel better to dress up a bit. Fashion is one of my favorite things and I spend a lot of time curating my wardrobe. It'd be good to create some items that mix the two, fashion and comfort, together.